Posts by Faithful Witness

31

Epic FAIL! :( My sister is gone from me.

by Faithful Witness in

got this email from my sister today.

there is a lot of back story, and this isn't a surprise.

it will be interesting to see how it affects the rest of the family, if they hear about it or not.

Faithful Witness

I am replying to my sister's email today. I noticed she replied from a smart phone, which must be a new thing. Here is what I am going to say. There are a lot of words, but since I know she won't talk to me on the phone, but that she will be likely to read at least one more email, I'm going to be as complete as I can.

I can't do a lot more damage. My parents are going to make their own decisions, most likely based on the instructions from the org.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your honesty. I have been trying to find a way to respond to your statements.

I do understand that you are trying to do what you feel is best for your children, just as we all are. After careful research, we decided not to join the Watchtower organization. That was the best decision for our family and our children, and I am open to discussing the reasons we came to that conclusion.

I'm not sure what you are referring to, regarding prior encounters, or their affect on your emotions. I can't think of anything I have done or said to you, that has been unloving or unkind toward you or your family. (Last year, we were told you were offended when we did not include you in the plans, or telling that Richard was coming to Wendy's for a Christmas party. This year, you are offended when I send small gifts in December. Did you receive the treats? The Applebee's gift card I sent this summer? I'm confused why you accept certain gifts. If you tell me the criteria, I will try to abide by it. The whole idea of the homemade trade, was created to accommodate JW beliefs. Everyone else has to bend, but you still rigidly reject all attempts at love or generosity toward your family).

I was never a Jehovah's Witness. No, I do not understand your decision. It is cruel to cut off someone who loves you and treats you with nothing but kindness and respect.

I do not understand or agree to abide by their rules. I love you, and I will not stop being kind to you, J, or your kids. You can stop speaking to me. That is your decision. You can not remove me from the family, or from the world. I will still be here, loving you and praying for you, no matter how cruel you are to me. Persecute me for loving you. I forgive you.

I do realize they are telling you how terrible I am, but you have known me your whole life. Remember me? We grew up in the same home. I am fair. I am kind, and I care about the feelings of others. I am a peacemaker. I am open-minded and willing to have reasonable discussions about disagreements. I have always thought the same of you.

Can you please explain to me what I have done wrong? Specific examples, if you have any.

Put yourself in my shoes for a moment... Try to see it from my perspective: My acts of kindness and generosity have resulted in your decision to stop communicating with me? This is offensive. There is no other way to describe it.

I will continue to be kind and loving to you and your family. If you choose not to do the same, that is your decision. I forgive you. I do not live by the rules of an organization, so I will be keeping my heart and arms open for you and your entire family. I am still your sister, and I love you.

31

Epic FAIL! :( My sister is gone from me.

by Faithful Witness in

got this email from my sister today.

there is a lot of back story, and this isn't a surprise.

it will be interesting to see how it affects the rest of the family, if they hear about it or not.

Faithful Witness

She has never been one to express her emotions, so I'm really not certain what she means in that regard.

My suspicion is that I make her doubt her decisions. I am the oldest and she is the youngest daughter, so that part of our history definitely has some power over her.

She (in the past) claimed she had to protect her children from apostasy and idolatry, and this was the reason she could no longer bring them to my HOUSE. I didn't really understand that one either. "I don't know how to explain things to my kids."

I think she has come to realize that I know things about the WTS that she does not want to have to think about, or have to explain to her children. (I have NOT been confronting her with any TTATT or arguments against the JW's. I have been doing enough research, to keep up with current issues, but we do not discuss them. I think my sincere questions have actually made her think, and that scares her).

There was a lot more peace in our family last year, when she was secretly doing her mini-shun, refusing to come to my house, thus making it impossible to get the whole family together (because of distance). When my dad got into the act, claiming that he was just too old to travel to my house for the homemade trade party, I called him out on his lie, and all heck broke loose. I was chastised for telling everyone about the issue (their private business, that they tried to say everyone already knew about, and acted like I was trying to embarrass and humiliate them for being JW's). I was effectively silenced and controlled, because I was still trying to please them all. My dad sent a mass email to the family, informing us that his new top priority in life was to "be a good Jehovah's Witness." He followed that with a "secret" message to me, informing me that he would always feel closest to my JW sister, even if I ever did become a JW now. They go to the same hall, after all! And "don't you dare tell anyone what I'm telling you. I don't want to hurt their feelings." I questioned whether he was serving Jehovah God or and organization, and I never got another email again from him. That was a year ago. He acts normal to my face, but does not acknowledge or reply to any attempts I make at communicating with him.

At least my sister is telling me she is shunning me. Even though she is wrong, she is honest. I give her credit for that much. Poor lost soul.

None of this is meant to offend anyone, of course. I was asked to keep the private stuff between us, private.

Now I feel like I'm not supposed to say anything to any family members about it, and like I'm the one making things worse. It's like they think they can just put me in the corner, and expect me to sit here quietly and not tell Mom about it. My mother has her own issues, and is such a weak JW, that I fear telling her will have the potential of thrusting her deeper into the organization, thus cutting off my children along with me.

I just feel like a crazy person, every time I talk about my family. There is a big part of me that just wants to walk away from the whole lot of them. I would not tolerate this kind of treatment from a friend.

I walked away from the JW's once, but I think that this turmoil had to come and shake my family tree, in order for me to take notice. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. I get too dramatic at times, and I am definitely making a lot of mistakes in dealing with my JW family.

I have not yet replied to my sister. I do plan to respond. I like some of the suggestions made here. They are very helpful. I know she has a hard time deciding what to do. She and her husband are honestly trying to do what they believe is best for their children, or at least that is what they are telling themselves.

They have to make choices (we all do). I am having a hard time understanding why treating your family with love, is not an acceptable choice for them.

Oh I just better stop ranting about it. Thanks for this forum. I know I will never please these people.

31

Epic FAIL! :( My sister is gone from me.

by Faithful Witness in

got this email from my sister today.

there is a lot of back story, and this isn't a surprise.

it will be interesting to see how it affects the rest of the family, if they hear about it or not.

Faithful Witness

Got this email from my sister today. There is a lot of back story, and this isn't a surprise. It will be interesting to see how it affects the rest of the family, if they hear about it or not. If I tell anyone about it, I will be reprimanded.

I need to clarify that I was NEVER a JW, and I never agreed to follow their rules. I will not stop being kind to my sister or my niece and nephew.

The peacemaker in me will tread even lighter now. I'm afraid my mother will get pressure to join this movement against me. My kids will really be sad if Grandma makes this same decision.

I posted more about what led up to this in the Friends section ("I got my money back")

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/269058/1/I-got-my-money-back#.UsjwoTK9KSM

While I appreciate the thought, please do not send us gifts.

Our kids are not missing out on anything other than things we try to protect them from.

At this time, based on prior encounters and their affect on me emotionally, I think it would be best if we didn't communicate.

I hope you can understand my decision and the fact that it is not meant to offend anyone.

Sent from my Kyocera Hydro

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

Thank you, but I don't see that happening for us. It is sad to see my once thinking and aware sister, being controlled this way. Yes, part of it is her fanatical husband, but she called me herself about 18 months ago and explained how she has to protect her children from us.

I have now received a reply from my email to her. I'm not sure what to do next, but I will not agree to these terms. I will continue being kind when I see her or any in her family. If they want to act like jerks toward me, so be it. I will not stop being kind, or loving my family.

Whatif: I'm glad to hear your story is happier than mine. You don't realize how lucky you are.

Here are the words of my sister, who has known me her whole life. She knows my nature, and the peacemaker in me is not going to let this be the end of the story... I just see that this is going to be a very very long road. I hope she does not take my mother with her, even further into this mind game she is insisting on playing.

"While I appreciate the thought, please do not send us gifts.

Our kids are not missing out on anything other than things we try to protect them from.

At this time, based on prior encounters and their affect on me emotionally, I think it would be best if we didn't communicate.

I hope you can understand my decision and the fact that it is not meant to offend anyone.

Sent from my Kyocera Hydro"

I thought things were getting better, when she sat and spoke with me this past September. I'm not sure if that was one of the "encounters" she is referring to... Not really sure which ones she means, except the one where she called me and told me that she was not hiding behind her husband.

2 quick observations from this little note that speaks VOLUMES:

1. She has a smart phone now! 2. She did not answer me about whether she received the food gift. Did they eat it? How about the restaurant gift card I sent over the summer break? Did they use that?

I most certainly do NOT understand that decision. I need some clarification.

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

When I was in high school, all the students exchanged Christmas cards around the school. I gave them to my Jewish friends, and they gave me Happy Holidays cards. Now, my husband works in the technology field. Many of his coworkers are Hindu. We did actually send a small gift home for his friend's little boy. We used snowman wrapping paper, and the gift was accepted gladly by his mother. Holiday sweets and goodies were gladly accepted by his coworkers of every belief.

The JW's are not just some other religion. They have a whole different set of shifting rules.

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

I also did check with my mom, before sending the calendar and the building set. I asked if she thought my sister would give them to the kids, and she said she didn't know why not. I didn't know what the reaction would be, but since last year was a disaster when we didn't include them, I didn't mean to hurt anyone by trying.

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

Whatif: Thanks for using your first post to reply to my worries. I appreciate your insight. Maybe I can explain better some of the history behind this brazen act of sending a (gasp) gift in the mail while the kids were off school on their 2 week winter vacation. I sent cards last summer, which my sister admitted to opening and reading.

We have spoken about 2 times in the last year, the 2nd time being one where I thought we actually made a connection.

I was never a JW. We abstained from Christmas for 3 years while studying with them, and quit the whole affair when we discovered what they really were. Our family used to have a big Christmas, and my niece and nephew were the center of a few huge birthday parties in the past. They are old enough to remember the fun Christmas parties, and my sister was the one who loved gift-giving most of all (5 daughters, 1 is now JW, along with my parents).

I have been tiptoeing around their rules and fears for a few years now, trying to please my parents and sister by working around their beliefs. We created a whole new idea, just so the JW's and the non-JW's could be together as a big family once a year. Our "homemade trade" ended 2 years ago, when my sister decided it was no longer ok to even come to my house, the only location that geographically worked for everyone.

I was never a JW, so have never agreed to live by these absurd rules. I have gone beyond being accomodating and patient through this ridiculous and unfair treatment my family gets, simply because we refused to jump in the pool and submit to that organization.

The JW's have infiltrated and divided our family, like has happened to so many others here on this forum. My mere existence and generosity have been insulted and rejected for no good reason. I'm not shoving anything in anyone's face.

Just a little side note. Last year, my sister and parents were offended when they were NOT invited to the Christmas party at my other sister's house. We, of course, did not invite them because we didn't want to rub it in their face that we were celebrating a holiday they used to love, but that they now hate. So which is it? Give an invitation or a gift, so you can be rejected? Or have them cry and complain when you don't include them? This year, I decided to err on the side of giving. My bad. I don't regret it. I am adult, and I take rejection well, even though it does hurt.

Last year, they felt left out. She sure has me guessing and jumping through hoops!

I hope the kids understand that we all want them included.

19

The Total Embracing Of The Internet - How Will It All End?

by baldeagle in

jw
friends

i havent been to a meeting in four years.

during that time i completed a successful fade from the organization after almost 40 years being baptized.

it seems nothing anymore will surprise or shock me with these latest bunch of brooklyn leaders.

Faithful Witness

I want to know when the JW's will start advertising their cult with banner ads, like the Mormons do.

What kind of monitoring can they do at KH's, when people use their WiFi? What types of privacy infringements can they sneak into their "terms of use?"

If they are smart, they are looking for ways to grant themselves access to view your internet usage, both at and away from the KH. I'm not sure what is legal, but I'm sure there are ways to track users somehow.

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

I contacted Amazon, and it was confirmed that the packages were delivered, but refused by recipient. I decided to send an email to my sister:

"Hi (Sister),

I sent packages to (nephew) and (niece), and received confirmation that they were delivered on 12/18.

Yesterday, I was informed that those packages were returned as undeliverable. Did I send to the wrong address? I sent another package to your family, with some treats. Did you receive that one, or did your neighbors eat it? I'm confused. I have been struggling with this concern for (niece and nephew), always left out of every family occasion. I thought it would be nicer to give this year, than to exclude them again. I shopped carefully, looking for gifts that were neutral but fun and useful. I really do love you and your family, and want you to know that we care a lot about your kids and their happiness. If you will accept them, I will send the gifts again. I hope you will consider sending me a reply to this email, either way. Sending our love to you all, Faithful Witness" Quite honestly, I do not expect a reply. I may follow up with a phone call. I know she is out in service right now. Thank you all for your replies. I know I'm making a fool of myself, but I agree with Xanthippe. I am done being controlled by the JW's.

19

I got my money back

by Faithful Witness in

jw
friends

i posted a question here after i sent packages to my jw niece and nephew in december.

i wasn't sure what the response would be.

yesterday, i got an email that the packages were "undeliverable," and my money was refunded.

Faithful Witness

The food gift was delivered separately, from a different company. I received confirmation of delivery on December 18, and then an email telling me that the package was undeliverable, two weeks later. I wonder if they called UPS for a return pickup, or if they drove the packages back themselves.

Should I email my sister, and ask her what happened?

I'm not even sure the kids knew about the gifts. I am tempted to try again, timing my order so that they will be delivered on a Saturday. They will all come home from service, and see the gifts waiting for them on the porch.

I mentioned it to my mom today, and she seemed genuinely surprised and disgusted. I had asked her opinion beforehand, and I also emailed my sister to let her know they were coming, and what was inside the boxes (a kitten calendar and a building set).

I've wrestled with this idea since we started celebrating Christmas with my kids 3 years ago. I made the comment today to my mother, that I decided to err on the side of giving, instead of excluding the kids.

Oh well, I did try. Maybe they got and ate the treats, and then felt so guilty for it, they couldn't bring themselves to open the gifts. Or, the parents ate the food and never told the kids about it.

I will never understand the JW mind games, with their ever-changing rules. Those poor, lonely kids.